To Gather Together

From Self to Other, that’s the way life skill development works best. In talking to someone brand new to skill development recently I discovered/remembered that one of the hardest parts of skill development for us adults is the realization that the voices from our past must be turned down/off in order for us to hear our own. The gentleman I was speaking to could not hear his own voice inside his head. When we discussed whose voice he was hearing in his head it was not one voice, and not the typical Mom/Dad/Family voice group, but just a group. A random collection of people always mumbling all the negative messages he has ever heard.

The gathering inside his head was so loud that his own voice was completely drowned out. He could not hear the specific messages in his head, could not make out the people talking either, but just like standing in a loud crowded location, such as a busy airport terminal, all he could hear was noise. His response to not being able to hear his own voice is like that of someone who is deaf. He needs to talk louder with increased frequency and intensity to compensate for not being heard. All of this is taking place inside his head.

Such a sweet guy, with so much to offer, once we took a minute to close off all of those loud, mysterious voices he began to hear someone else. It took a few minutes before he could hear them, it was 2 teachers from his past. One from high school and one from a trade school. As he described these 2 wonderful teachers to me something changed in him. His eyes lit up, his body became more animated and he started talking about how much he loves to teach.

The rest of the day was so much more relaxed, he was calmer, happier, clearer. Why? He changed who was gathered together inside his own head. He slammed a door shut on all those people inside his head who say terrible things to him and threw open a new door. He has created a Gathering of Togetherness inside his mind of people who are kind, supportive, understanding, and most of all encouraging and empowering.

Who is inside your head and how can you rearrange the dynamics to feel and in fact be better?