That’s how I felt after a recent conversion. So I stopped. Took a couple of minutes to scan across my past and found one of the moments where this idea may have originated.
3rd grade, learning to memorize times tables.
Wait, it’s farther back than that. Kindergarten, public school, a colored reading series with expectations about where my reading level should be. At a meeting, my parents and my teacher are there, they are talking about me. My Mom says I am a good reader and perhaps I don’t enjoy the books they are forcing us all to read (go Mom!). I can remember distinctly understanding that there were things I loved to read and things I could not read. I mean literally. Even today, if I am reading something poorly written, uninteresting, irrelevant (to me) then I just keep rereading the same thing over and over. I can’t get past a sentence, an idea, I get stuck.
There are so many things I am not interested in that it may take me hours of combing through books before I can find the right fit for me. Something of interest, that’s well written, can take me to my special reading escape place. Yes, I use reading to escape, and I am proud of that now, despite other people who can’t relate. My primary motivator for reading is still to escape into another place, time, story, or idea. I LOVE to journey! Not all the time anymore because I have designed a life for myself that I enjoy living. Being here now is important, I coach this idea all the time. Usually in response to someone who is really hard on themself. But, there is an alternate time and location that can exist now too. Losing track of time is very common for us creative, daydreaming types. The mental vacation into another here and now. To bring into this moment something else. I’m letting go of the negative words and feelings that come from others. I worked hard to grow myself into a capable adult. No wonder I feel the need to escape into other worlds when the words of others in this world hurt so much.
So today I commit to a change of mind! I am…
Strong & Capable
Our children begin life in a fanciful place. I watch my dog do unexpected things all the time. Not once have I ever considered telling them that they are anything other than strong and capable. At what point in life do we start saying crap to ourselves? What do you say to yourself? What is the opposite? The real truth about who you are? Whatever it is that is destructive to you, I hope you will join in my journey to know that daydreaming, art, books, games all creative endeavors are a very important part of building our strong, capable, creative selves. Here’s to leaning into a happy life and a healthy, creative self. No matter what they say.
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