Skills to Thrive Through the Holidays with One or More Children Away

Family first for fantastic business! To be happy and thrive in life; that’s the goal of all of what you will find in AllLifeSkills. 

Going into the holidays with my son on the other side of the globe, I feel weepy today. I have questions in my heart and mind…

• How can I bring joy into every day of the Holiday season?
  • Usually, I put a box out for each of my family members and put something special in their box every day. I’ll be exploring new options this year.
• Will my son be able to thrive through the holidays so far from friends and family?
  • My brain knows he will be fine, but my heart has doubts. I have set up a meeting in Rome for us. I will listen carefully to what he says. The only response he gave me when I asked was something about gingerbread. Perhaps I will find a gingerbread advent calendar so he has something from me every day.
• What can I do to keep focus on my own life every day?
  • This year I will get a pet box (we have adopted 2 dogs since our son left), keep a box for myself and my husband, and put something in each of our boxes every day. This year I am going to start immediately, before Thanksgiving. Giving myself permission to give every day, to us all.
• How can I keep my emotions in check this year?
  • First, I know better than to try to control my emotions. When I am feeling sad, missing my parents, son, and friend who died by suicide earlier this year I know to…
    • Take a break – make tea, take a walk, play with dogs, and meditate…
    • Lean into the emotion, like this morning, I just needed a cry.
    • Channel my energy into the projects and people I have so carefully gathered and created to support me in my life. If you are one of those people and you are reading this, please make sure to check on me periodically, thank you!
    • Being fit! Since the time has changed, daily life has become more difficult. Here are the changes I have made for these shorter days…
      • I’m baking and cooking tasty and healthy food. I eat by feel, careful not to overeat. I prefer smaller, tastier tidbits so that’s how we eat about once a week. Here are some family favorites:
        • Sushi
        • Bake a healthy loaf of bread
        • Stew, for warmth and comfort
        • Roast a big tray of veggies in a marinade with lots of herbs
        • Purchase a high-quality fish or meat and make a mouth-watering recipe
        • Go OUTSIDE and let someone else do all the work
      • Movement! I stopped calling it a “workout” – that is detrimental to my mental health. Here’s what a well-balanced week of healthy movement looks like for me…
        • Monday morning yoga
        • One to two dog walks a day (we are all in training)
        • One human-only walk a day
        • During the week, with darkness starting at 5 pm, we go to our YMCA (it is the closest gym or we won’t go. In Maryland it was Planet Fitness). On each visit, we alternate cardiovascular with strength movement. We support each other on our least favorite days. He prefers cardio and I prefer strength.
      • Mind Soothing
        • Meditation – I practice several different types and make use of them for different feelings and purposes.
        • Self-Hypnosis – With good earbuds or my new fabulous over-ear devices I typically put on my son’s Spotify station “Banana Sleep” and select the one that matches my mental needs.
        • Conversation – Usually starting with my introverted husband and then reaching out to my sanity network including my siblings, friends, cousins, and family to focus my mind, and relieve stress. 

After all of those tools, I might want a glass of wine, a cocktail, or sometimes a beer. But I have rules for myself as I used to both overeat and overdrink.

1. My health is my #1 priority – I have an honest discussion with myself before my first sip about WHY I want a drink.
2. One or two at most, otherwise my doctor says I increase my risk of cancer and heart disease.
3. A glass of water between each drink. End with water.
4. Keep sleep as a priority, typically no more drinking after 8 pm so I don’t need to get up in the middle of the night.

Here’s to thriving through OUR holidays! Cheers!