We all have that person in our lives, the one that is very critical of us. How many voices develop inside our head is uniquely our own. I have spent so many years quieting parents, teachers, friends, and family it always surprises me when something new pops up. With the recent loss of my father all of a sudden, this was this massive angry voice. I felt angry all the time and struggled with how to keep it off of other people as I could not help leaking this angry voice all over everyone.
In response, I hired a grief counselor and doubled down on my meditation practices. But one morning I was very rudely and continuously interrupted by some old angry and insecure voices inside my head again. Here is what they said, see if any of these sound familiar…
- I think I made that person mad, how do I make it up to them?
- That other person thought I was criticizing them, I should go make sure they know I wasn’t.
- Another person spilled something, didn’t clean it up, how am I going to tell them so it’s not a big fight?
- A 4th person may be offended that my plans changed at the last minute, I communicated it but I still feel bad about not showing.
- Worst of all, the most important person in my life sounded upset on the phone so now I’m guessing what that might be about and getting mad that I feel so out of control.
In reality, nothing was wrong that morning. The birds were singing, the sun was out, I was surrounded by family and friends who love me. But all of those things were in my head, my stomach was churning, because our body doesn’t know the difference between what’s real and what is made up in our head, ist’s that a dumb design?
Fortunately, I had just given some sound advice to someone else about how crazy all of these voices can make us. I told her to focus on what was actually happening. RIGHT NOW!
What do you see that is beautiful, soft, young? Can you hear birds or play music? Pick ANYTHING right at that moment to BREAK the spin. For me, especially in the morning, it’s going and getting my coffee. A ritual that brings me great joy because I use excellent coffee and enjoy the sounds and smells. The worse the day, the more likely I will wind up at a coffee shop. Just walking in and smelling the place improves my mood, quiets my mind, and lifts my spirits.
My most recent teacher had me make a list of things that bring me into the present moment. Actions that bring the crazy train to a screeching halt, even have magical powers to transform the train into a butterfly. After all, our brain doesn’t know the difference, so why not ask it to focus on what IS working rather than what isn’t.
PS – There is nothing that quiets the mind faster than an animal. I think it’s time for a new dog in my life. What’s next for your well-being?
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