Skill: Emotional Release and Support

Emotions are some sneaky critters. Human emotion can come on quickly and wack us on the back of the head or it may have a slow, insidious creep. Over the last month, the virus spread across the US and I was more than 2000 miles away from my father and his cancer battle. The toll on my emotional state was realistically extreme, but my mind would not accept the slow and steady creep of sadness. I thought I was fine but one day he was on the phone talking to me about what he wanted to change in his trust. The emotions that day came on like a freight train. Tears started and they would not stop.

Little did I know that I would be moving in soon. Don’t get me wrong, being in Southern CA with the sunshine is always soothing to my soul. But who would have guessed that I would need to call on all of my knowledge, tools, and skills over the next month? As emotions around the world peak, it would be easy to get caught up in the tsunami of the global pandemic. Might some of the lessons I have learned assist others?

1. Turn off the news!!! Have you noticed all of the trigger words that are used by the newscasters? Fear, terror, war zones, battle, death, and not enough toilet paper to name a few. We all feel very real emotions, but we should never, NEVER adopt other people’s emotions (unless they help elevate our mood). When someone tells me how to feel I know it’s time to stop listening to other voices outside of my own head. Now I just check on the internet for relevant headlines, once a day is plenty, preferably not before bed.
2. Identify MY OWN emotions. I tend toward sadness. Watching the death count rise, listening to others complain was slowly killing me. I don’t need to know how many people are sick and dying, I need to figure out MY OWN ACTUAL feelings. If sad, have a cry and take a walk. If angry, I punch a pillow or do a bunch of sit-ups. But most importantly, I tell the people around me how I am really feeling so they can either support me or stay away for a while. Very often they are feeling the similar and are relieved to be able to discuss the real feelings they are having.
3. Focus on what I want and need first. This I learned well by raising a child. Focus on self care, look around for how to make my space better, then aim to get outside for some fresh air. When other people are in need around me I double my focus on self care because I must have enough health and peace of mind BEFORE I have anything to share with others. If I break this rule, all of the negative stuff starts to close in on me and I am no good to anyone.
4. Burst out! I needed a project. Something outside, something big. My dad’s house has a huge back lot, covered in weeds. I recently ran across a labyrinth at the beach and it gave me the idea to create my own. I did the research, drafted something I liked, and started daily uprooting the forest of weeds. With all of the rocks back there I was able to outline the whole thing. If this goes another month I may dig a pond. It’s been great exercise, a healthy outlet, and some of the people in the house have helped too.
5. Design my own routine. Everyone in this house is different. My daily needs sometimes line up with other’s needs and sometimes they don’t. We have all been very respectful of each other’s needs for space, interaction, play, meals, household jobs, shopping… I have the energy to give care to my housemates when I am rested, nourished and my own needs are met. I don’t love going to bed at 8 pm, but that is the routine in this house. I have set myself up with a good online book and I read until I am sleepy.

If super strong emotions are becoming bigger than manageable. If a daily routine seems impossible. If conflicts are larger than life. Make sure to seek assistance. There are tons of online resources for support.

COVID Emotional Resource Manual

Child Wellness Support

Mental Wellness

Emotional Support Resources